In the beginning there was emptiness in our sphere.

• A long time ago.
• When we had hairs allover.
• When we were ruled by instinct.
  A gift from nature a guideline...
• Simple nerves in our brains.
  
• Then there came a day that we thou... a memory?
  
  .. know this,
  .. bin here before,
  .. remember this.
  
  Who's remembering this?
  Was this our first thought?
  
  

Looking trough our window is wat we do and did.

Seeing our arms and legs, and no questions.
Feeling the rain and our instinct, hide and quick or be... sick.
But... now questions about all of this until the day we remember.
Started to remember there was a day, a yesterday.
Not an instinct that tells us but an other nerve.
One that stored this picture we saw the other day through our window, our yesterday.
It lightened up when we saw the same today and remembered... and thought:

I know this,
I've bin here before,
I remember this.

Thats when we were born,
a lost picture in our brain gave us time,
a past and future.
an I... am.

Our instinct was no longer alone,
adam got his eve and paradise was born.

Stars

The stars are glowing there distance into my imagination.

O could I... O could I go there, please fall.

Fall down to me o distance, you star.

You incentive of unlimited fantasy, you star.

Please fall down to me, I cannot fall to you.

Please come to me and lett me wish.

Let me wish to be there, be you.

Let me glow and be distance.

Let my falling down give hope.

Let me shine amongst billions and shine my lite to millions.

Lett me reach out to other worlds.

Other mountains, desserts, oceans, places.

Where they look up and wonder why.

Why is that star, that star over there, glowing so bright.

So fullfilled in this night here down under the stars.

Where are you?

Hè, whats coming there?
O... it's you, my good friend.
What have you been doing lately?
You don't know... how strange.
I always like to know where you are,
and what you are doing... sense of mine.
My good thought, friend, please...
let me know when you leave me next time.

Learning

Learning this languish.
Trying to understand this world.
Learning these words.
What is going on?
Learning to write.
What are they doing?
Learning to say.
Why is this?
Learning to read.
What will I do.
Learning to go...

...on this road I turned in... some time ago while I
was thinking away of a world on my own dreaming
is good things may role out of this head overflowing
sometimes I don't know why this time is so
beautiful when the words flow to me and my pen
tries to go where I never have seen myself in the
past while learning this languish the world speaks
to me.

Aphorisms I

-I rather bump my head then bend.

-The difference between modern man and the caveman? His costume.

-Over two and a half billion seconds in a lifetime, and none of them will last.

-The point of life? Do you have a pencil sharpener for me, I make you one.

-The meaning of life? Next question.

-What drives us? We are being dragged along by our consciousness thinking that there is a driver, while all along we (we, the animal) just... are... be, pushed by nature with an imaginary steer in our hands.

-What is religion? Something like: I wish...

-The future is: Not importend, it doesn't exist.

-Time is: The wrinkles around our eyes, a fantasy.

-A state of happiness. There, I feel i... it's gone!

-What is importend in life? Visit a toilet in time.

-Politics and the people. They both think that they are so important that they both forget what's importend on this earth: to live... together.

Chrismis

Christmas Is coming, is alway here.
What was the idea... no idea?
Think it was something... something nice.
So why do I, don't...why don't I like it.
What is it good for? Do... do we care?
Yes, we think... no, we don't...do.
Sit around the tree and let the spirit... let the spirit.
Put on your best smile it will be soon over.

Peace on earth, that's what it is... I believe...
The answer on that question from just... before
I forgot,
I forget,
I never new,
no one ever new,
There was never peace on this earth.

But I like fairy tale's... but...
But I still don't like Christmas.
But I wish you a merry... life.

play

• The child in us is ruling.

• No grip on what streams.

• From the top down and back.

• Giving our brains.

• A pattern to follow.

• Obey and protect.

• Children in these old bodies.

• Pretending to be.

• Wise and mature.

• But what streams.

• Our emotions... take over.

• Like children, we don't know.

• Children with emotions.

• They share without reflection.

• We, we reflect with a child's mind.

• We don't understand but react.

• React on our past.

• Our past rules, it tells us.

• Like children were focust on our game.

• But our past is burned.

• Into us, our brain.

• The focal point... surrounds us.

• We walk in line and act.

• Not like children... they act.

• Play a role in life.

• I said... PLAY a role in life.

• Play it rational.

• Wake up, be sensible.

• It's just a game.

• We all end... the same.

The need

The need to be alone together with no one so close to belong somewhere singel and go my own way of love for the one outside my reach out to myself at night lieing there in my memory with love from the past that was good to hold out with no breath in my neck I can turn around and go to the one that I love and learn to hate this being alone i sometimes cry for no reason i feel great walking proud my own way and I see those eyes floating shooting lightning in my heard burning pain and pleasure al at once in my days singel and never alone going up while falling on my knees kissing feet's and pulling strings in my brain to maintain my own smile alive to get one inside this life I betray my own pride and still go the road that I so much like and also need is what I tell when I lie awake alone the nights before I fall asleep alone together with a dream by my side.

Alone

Alone
is he in my head
waking up
from
his nightmare
is turning
the goals on my path
that I see with my eyes
that I want
with my brain
that he hates
over there
al alone
in my head
is the one
to worship
his goals
conflicting
with me and my life
but
his wil takes him
over
the nightmare
that is this
life
outside
my eyes poisening his sleep
bringing me
down.

Complaning,narrow,hope

Complaining

Complaning
about the other
reflecting your image
shining the ground
pulling your shadow
your darknes is dragging
dragging you down
on the ground where you are
defeated
while accusing
the other one down.

Narrow

My eyes are falling
into their sockets
tired of this
this talking and bullshit
that's going around
in front of me now
in this narrrow line
of sight and perspective

Hope

The sun over there
is going to throw
outside my rim
that's keeping me hidden
for this day
of expectens
and hope
for the light
that I still feel
inside of me as
a glow of my dreams
and my hope
that is keeping me
still
alive for a wile.

The tree

I sit outside in the freezing cold and see the world.

I feel the cold when I look inside and see no world.

I feel no cold when I sit outside without protection.

The fire inside me burns my world and keeps me warm.

The air is thin inside my head, it's consumed by the fire.

I can not hold out so long in there, in this thin air, I need to escape.

I escape into my habits, they will release me... for now.

The habits will please me but I know they are like acid.

The acid that is slowly eating away my life, my happiness.

I know it pleases me but it eats away my freedom.

I don't know what to do, the fire is burning, the acid is hungry.

The cold air outside reduce the pain, the pain of the coldness helps.

The pain of the cold air brings life in these burned down nerves inside my brain.

I love the coldness, I love this pain... I hate this bullshit.

I hate this bullshit, these bars that force me outside in the cold.

The bars that prevent me from going inside, reach out to my loved one.

The bars that are standing between the me that you see and the me that I know.

I know that me of mine, I was it once, before this carousel of burning and sour.

I know it is still there, it sits beside me in the cold, frozen and not able to take away.

The tears that fall in thousand peaces on the ground like my thoughts.

The thoughts without order are lieing there outside and it, my I, me, it is not able.

I am not able to sort them, my hands are to cold, I wane go in and feel the warmth.

I wan to go inside but no... I am getting crazy, please coldness, freeze my thoughts.

The thoughts will not freeze, the acid is like fuel for the fire inside me,

I need to escape. The key to freedom, where is it, I have seen it, in the distance, in the deepness.

I have to seek in the deepness, in the deepness of my thoughts, between the roots.

I have to look between the roots of the tree that stands on the ground where I was born.

The ground where it all started, my youth, my innocence...my freedom.

The roots of the tree where I played as a child when the world was no problem.

I was taken away there, I remember, I dropped the key, it is still there.

I have to go back there, clime down this tree into the unseen darkness.

The darkness that hides the memory's of the past but what will they look like.

The darkness that shows the forgotten reality's, unveiling the trough.

I am afraid to go down there, I rather stay out here in the could, I am used to it.

I am afraid to go down and face the truth, is there truth? This is my truth.

The coldness is my truth, it's my own mistake that I sit here outside, alone.

The choice is mine, I know what I am doing...I know what I am doing...

I know what I am do...

I notice... I am staring... my eye wide open, the tears are frozen, who am I kidding... I don't now.

The one besides me, that sits besides me, the me from between the roots it suddenly moves.

The warmth is overwhelming when it looks into my eyes, when I look in these eyes.

I feel the strength growing, the fire is going the acid is now candy I laugh and look deeper.

I look deeper in these eyes and then the wink, and gone they are... what was this? What happened?

The eyes where opened and it felled great, know they closed again and it is cold again.

The fire is back... but what is this...the fear is gone...it is swollen believe.

I feel something burning but now in my hart, an overwhelming trust, still small but there.

I looked in these Eyes only a second, I looked at a time when the world was whole.

The world was whole, I now understand that I have to look like a child again, this second.

The second I was waiting for, where did it came from, who send it to me... Will it stay?

I feel the fire suffocating in my hard, the coldness is returning, no, not again...

I feel...I feel these eyes, I feel that they struggling to stay, is it really happening?

The feeling is still there, is the sun finely coming, is the moment of rebirth there?

The eyes are dry, I stand up and go in. I feel a little bigger, it was no dream, I feel happy.

I will get there.

3 illustrations